I hate when I fucking get like this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I don’t know how to push past it though.
Hormones are the biggest bitch.
I don’t know. I’ve been so happy this past week because me and the guy I’ve liked for awhile now asked me to be his girlfriend. So, boyfriend, woo! We’re still in like the small talk part of our relationship, I mean hell, he just asked me last week. But tonight my best friend, who is friends with both of us, was like, “do you two even have anything in common?” And it kind of stumped me. I don’t really know him that well and he’s quiet and it’s going to take awhile before we really get to know each other and are able to talk about whatever whenever. I don’t know. It just bugged me the way he made it seem like, idk. He’s going through some stuff and just got in a fight with our other friend so maybe he was just lashing out or didn’t really mean anything by it but now I’m all worried still. I’m trying really hard not to cry. I just want this to work. I like him. I feel safe, and normal with him. For the first time in a long time, I could see this going somewhere. I want to get to know him better. I don’t know.
My friends and I were supposed to watch Legends of the Fall for movie night last and the guy I like said I would like it because it’s depressing. He knows me so well.
Please don’t let me fuck this up. Please.
I am the worlds worst daughter and most moronic child in existence.
Never mind, I guess.
Okay so work tonight sort of sucked terribly. I told my really good friend that works there when I lost my virginity because they kept saying I should become a nun and all this other stuff and I kept telling them that the church wouldn’t want me and blah blah. And I’m pretty sure he’s judging me a lot for it. I was pretty young and I mean it’s not like I’m ecstatic with who I lost it to and how old I was but I can’t change anything about it. I don’t know. Now I just feel stupid about confiding in him. Plus I’m totally hopeless with this stupid crush I have.